The 60-Second Filter

Six questions to ask yourself before you say what is on your mind 

The premise. Your first thought is information. It is not your message. Saying it unfiltered is not honesty — it is a choice. And it usually arrives with a hidden invoice you pay later. 

Anger is old machinery. It was built for the plains of Africa, where reacting immediately was the difference between living and being lunch. It was not built for an email from procurement. That is why anger manufactures urgency — and why the fix is almost always the same: wait one day. 

                                      Six questions. Sixty seconds. In order. 

1.  INTENTION 

Why am I about to say this? 

Audit the intention before you audit the words. 

GREEN LIGHT:   I want to change something, solve something, or protect something. 

RED FLAG:   I want them to feel what I felt. 

DO THIS:  Finish the sentence out loud — “I am saying this because I want ______.” If the blank is about them losing rather than you gaining, stop.   

2.  TIMING 

Does it have to be now? 

Truth is not a sufficient reason to speak. Being right is not a schedule. 

GREEN LIGHT:   There is a real deadline, a decision pending, or damage compounding. 

RED FLAG:   The only thing urgent here is my own discomfort. 

DO THIS:  Apply Lincoln’s Rule. Write it in a document. Send it tomorrow. If tomorrow is genuinely too late, you would already know.   

3.  DELIVERY 

How is this going to land? 

Tone is a strategic choice, not a personality trait. “That is just how I am” is a decision wearing a costume. 

GREEN LIGHT:   I can name the tone I am choosing and explain why I chose it. 

RED FLAG :  I am defending my tone instead of choosing it.

DO THIS:  Read it aloud in their voice, not yours. Then cut every adjective that describes them rather than the situation.   

4.  EMPATHY 

How does my counterpart see this? 

Understand their logic before you challenge it. People rarely act irrationally; they act on information you do not have. 

GREEN LIGHT:   I can state their position in a way they would accept as fair. 

RED FLAG:   My only explanation for their behaviour is that they are difficult.

DO THIS:  Write one sentence: “From where they sit, this makes sense because ______.” If you cannot fill it in, you are not ready to send.   

5.  RESPECT 

Am I attacking the problem or the person? 

Attack the problem, never the person. The moment it becomes personal, the issue becomes unsolvable. 

GREEN LIGHT:   Every sentence points at a behavior, a number, or an outcome. 

RED FLAG:   Any sentence begins with “You always,” “You never,” or “You people.”

DO THIS:  Highlight every “you” in the draft. Convert each one to the issue or to “I.” What survives is the actual message.   

6.  LISTENING 

Did I actually listen? 

Most “difficult” people are reacting to one thing: not feeling heard. 

GREEN LIGHT:   I can repeat their point without editorializing. 

RED FLAG:   I was building my rebuttal while they were still talking. 

DO THIS:  Reflect before you argue. “Let me make sure I understood: you are saying ______. Is that right?” Then wait. The correction they give you is free intelligence.